Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
