Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
