please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
