Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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