This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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