Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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