I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
