last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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