I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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