Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
