I faked an abortion last night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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