12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
