Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
