So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
