let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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