we have officially lost it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
