you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
