No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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