do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
