I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
