he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
