You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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