If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
