I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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