On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
