And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
