how can u be prego again
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
