the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
