There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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