he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
