and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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