Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
