i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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