i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
