i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
