I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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