don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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