maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You made out with two different species that night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
