Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
