Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
