I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
