This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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