just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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