he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
