im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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