you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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