Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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