Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
