Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
