sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
